by Phyllis Cambria
Planning a wedding is supposed to be a blissfully happy time for the recently engaged couple. Instead, for many, the overwhelming stress of dealing with creating a blow-your-socks off, dream wedding of a lifetime causes many brides (and occasional grooms) to develop a case of "The Wedding Wackies."
"The Wedding Wackies" occurs when seemingly rational, sweet, thoughtful women, succumb to the stress of creating "the perfect wedding" and turn into fire-breathing, freaked-out, irrational control freaks, sometimes called "bridezillas." Although mostly affecting brides-to-be, future grooms and family members are not immune from this syndrome.
Bombarded with televised, book and magazine images of idyllic, fairy tale-style weddings, normally sensible brides, grooms, family members and friends can become totally unglued as they try to create what they think is the perfect wedding. Virtually every conversation involves some aspect of the planning process. After all, most women have been mentally planning "the big day" since they were children or since they gave birth to their children. Now, the pressure of executing the dozens of details to achieve their goal becomes an all-consuming vocation.
Well-meaning, but emotionally-invested (and sometimes financially-invested), family members and friends often insist on adding their input and pushing for their own agendas Š what they think is absolutely necessary to have at the wedding. These ideas are frequently in conflict with the couple's ideas and a battle of wills ensues. Arguments break out, relationships are occasionally irreparably damaged and suddenly this supposedly blissful time is filled with tension, anger and stress.
Here are some tips to help reduce the anxiety of planning a wedding and maintaining loving relationships with everyone involved.
Hold a meeting with all of the interested parties to put together a realistic wedding plan. Allow everyone their initial input, no matter how far off track their ideas may be. Then, develop a plan, making sure everyone understands that only one or two people (generally the bride and groom), have final say as to what type of wedding will ultimately be held.
There are many pre-made wedding planning kits and binders available. Or, create your own. This will be essential when planning your wedding. It will give you one place to keep all of your samples, contracts, brochures, contact information, timelines and plans so that you're not constantly rummaging around your home looking for items.
Do some research to determine costs of items essential to your plan and allocate the proper money for them. Yes, you might decide once you actually make final decisions on things such as a wedding dress or a must-have cake that you will need to adjust your budget by cutting out another item or making a substitution for something that isn't as essential to your goal. For instance, when you find that the wedding gown you want is more expensive than originally budgeted, you can determine whether you can do away with or limit something else you had planned. In other words, do you really need five types of desserts or will the wedding cake suffice?
If you would like to someday purchase a home or start a family, think about whether spending every dollar you have saved on your wedding is worth delaying your future plans for possibly years to come before you can afford to do the things you want.
You might covet the style a celebrity wedding you saw featured in a magazine or on television, but remember how much they spent and what you have to spend. Instead, focus on the most important aspects of that wedding's design and come up with sensibly chic substitutions.
Most weddings take six months to a year or more to plan. Don't try to cram all of your research and decisions into a few short weeks or months. Set a schedule of what needs to be planned and when. For instance, choosing the wedding and ceremony venues are likely to be your most important decisions, so put those as one of your first items on your timeline. Wedding gowns and bridal party attire may take months to order, so plan your shopping excursion accordingly. Items such as selecting the flowers or favors can be done a bit later in the planning process.
Choose a room in your home where no wedding discussions can take place. Let it become a sanctuary where you or your future groom can go where no mention of any aspect of wedding planning can take place. By all means, feel free to use the space to dream of your future marriage, but stay away from any specific wedding-related topics.
You will need a break from the planning process. Select one day a week where you make no wedding decisions. Use that day to pamper yourself, visit with friends or go out on a romantic date and reconnect with each other to remember why you are getting married in the first place.
Eat a sensible diet, exercise and get sufficient rest. Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. You want to be healthy enough to get through the planning process with limited stress. You can't be happy if you're not feeling healthy.
If the planning process is too time-consuming, consider investing in the services of a wedding planner. He or she can do the legwork for you so that your limited time is spent making final decisions without all of the research required to find the right products and vendors. If family or internal pressures are causing you the most conflict, bring in a wedding coach. A coach can walk you through the emotional minefield you're facing. She or he can help you to handle issues such as etiquette, handling emotionally-sensitive situations such as intrusive friends or family members or just help you and your fiancˇ to maintain a loving and respectful relationship so that you can begin your married life as happy as you were on the day you became engaged.
Planning a wedding can be a happy, blissful time. Use these tips to ensure that "The Wedding Wackies" don't infect you so that you can look back on the planning process with the same warm memories as you have of your wedding day.
Phyllis Cambria is a nationally-recognized, award-winning party planning expert, event marketing expert, author and sought-after speaker. Her lively and useful seminars and her ingenious and easy-to-follow advice in books, magazines, newspapers and on TV, radio and websites have charmed and informed audiences everywhere.