by Phyllis Cambria
Since the day your child was born you've been looking forward to this big day. In fact, you're probably as excited (if not more) than you were for your own wedding. After all, although you're not one of the "headliners" of the show, you do have a starring role. In fact, probably before the guests spy the bride or groom, all eyes will be on you as you are lead down the aisle. Not to mention those photos that will document this day forever. So choosing your gown or outfit for this day is an important consideration.
Here are some tips to help you select your style and shine when the spotlight is on you.
If you don't already know, discuss with the couple the type of wedding they're planning. After all, it's important to know not only the time of day of the wedding but also how formal (or informal) the event will be.
Either find out from the bride the style of gown she's planning to wear and those of her attendants or wait until they are purchased. While it's not important that you copy the design, you don't want to select a beaded, formal gown if everyone else in the bridal party is wearing a short dress or suit.
There is a "pecking" (or "picking") order for whom gets to buy the dress first. It goes: bride, bridal attendants, mother-of-the-bride (MOB), then mother-of-the-groom (MOG). If you are the stepmother of the bride or groom, you are the last one to select a style. If you don't have a good relationship with the MOB or MOG, then look for guidance from the bride or groom. You should select a more conservative (but not necessarily less fashionable) design. In this "show," you are a supporting, not starring, cast member. Therefore you don't want to draw focus or ridicule.
Once the bride and her party have chosen their dresses, use that as your cue to select yours. You don't have to select the same color as the bridal party (unless the bride requests it). However, do stay away from black. While it's becoming less of a faux pas to wear black at a wedding, it's still considered in bad taste (as if you were in mourning and not happy about the marriage) to go for such a somber color.
Also consider that you will be standing next to the bride and attendants in several of the photographs. You want your color to look compatible with their color(s) and not clash.
You might want to ask the bride to accompany you on your shopping trip or at least to share any ideas or photos she may have of the style she would like to see you wear. If, however, you disagree with her choice, gently try to find a compromise.
If you're the MOG, while it's nice to wear a style that's also compatible with the MOB's attire, it's not necessary to stick strictly with the style she has chosen, particularly if you are completely different body types. On the other hand, if she has chosen a simple, fairly unadorned gown, you don't want to select a highly sequined and beaded dress. It would appear as if you were attempting "one-upsmanship" and that's not the way you want to begin this union of two (or more) families.
Try to avoid white, off-white or ivory. Older women generally find those colors unflattering since complexions lighten with age and look pale against these very light shades. Plus, unless the entire bridal party is all dressed in one of these colors, it will look as if you are competing with the bride.
Remember, too, that it will be a long day. Select a style that is not only flattering but comfortable.
When considering a neckline, read the article "Framing Your Face with the Proper Neckline." (insert link) Although the article is directed to brides, the same advice applies.
Follow this simple advice and style will shine equally on your child's wedding day.
Phyllis Cambria is a nationally-recognized, award-winning party planning expert, event marketing expert, author and sought-after speaker. Her lively and useful seminars and her ingenious and easy-to-follow advice in books, magazines, newspapers and on TV, radio and websites have charmed and informed audiences everywhere.